ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
smell my finger.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
