you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
