you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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