I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
