I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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