So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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