Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize