i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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