I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
