Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
