So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
