just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
