1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
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