You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
