Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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