so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
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