We're like a lot better than the average bears
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
