Can i not drive my cunt home
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
