Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
