I think im going to throw up on grandma
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
