using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
