i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
