Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
