look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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