while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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