Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
