Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
