so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
