Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize