I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
