you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
