If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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