please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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