i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
