it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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