Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
