and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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