how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
