I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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