Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
