guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
