I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Randomize
