i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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