I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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