I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just blew my weed a kiss
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
