He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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