Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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