I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
