"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
