So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
