you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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