Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
