3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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