I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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