she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
