Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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