Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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