Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
jump out the window naked night went bad
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