i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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