dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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