I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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