It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
