im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
