is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
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