you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
